Where are you Christmas?

It's five days until Christmas.  My home has been decorated for weeks, my shopping is done, and I've only attended one party this holiday season.  So why do I feel so frazzled and like the Grinch?

Unlike most Christmas seasons, I'm not involved in some sort of Christmas program at church that constitutes long hours and weeks of practices leading up to the big performance.  I work from home most days, so it's not like I'm never home to take care of other things that need to be done.

But right at this moment, I'm feeling some kind of way.  I'm wondering where Christmas is and why I don't have that warm, fuzzy feeling I get when fall rolls around and I start thinking about the sights and sounds of the season when we celebrate our Savior's birth.  

I literally just about fell apart in the kitchen.....almost did the ugly cry too.  I walked in there to make some tea and realized that the sink is full of dirty dishes again. The dishwasher needs to be emptied again.  There are mounds of laundry I still need to do. 

And at the same time, it makes no sense for me to be set off by this.  Scott's been doing laundry all day and even cooked lunch the past couple of days.  Dillan is home and has cleaned up off and on without being asked to and even asked me this morning if I wanted help cleaning the house today to get ready for our Christmas party this week.  And speaking of the Christmas party, he's done all of the prep work getting together the decorations for our "Who-ville" theme. 

So why am I being such a Grinch and so ungrateful at this moment?  I truly am thankful for my family and all they do for me.  I love having them home with me and especially so this time of year.

I've worked feverishly this entire month to be off work the week of Christmas and the week after. Scott is on vacation those two weeks as well.  I've pictured hours of relaxation and watching Hallmark Christmas movies the week of Christmas.  I've thought about how fun it will be to make Christmas cookies and how much I look forward to time spent with family.

Truth be known, I'll probably feel completely fine tomorrow.  I guess I'm just tired.  Getting all of my work done ahead of time to be off for two weeks at Christmas has probably been too much stress on me.  I've worked hard to make sure the shopping was done and the groceries were bought and no last minute trips will have to be made to pick up anything.  

I guess in doing so, I took on more than I can handle.  I've had migraines off and on for several days too.  And when I see my husband washing clothes, I feel guilty.  And I just washed a load of red clothes that have been in the bottom of the basket for longer than I can remember.....all because they are red and I might need them this week!  And it made me feel like such a bad housewife.  What's wrong with me?  

Can any of you out there relate to being a perfectionist?  Well, I certainly am one!  I guess I think I'm supposed to be "wonder woman" and be able to do everything....and do it well without any help. 

I plan the perfect party, vacation, or family holiday in my head and when things go awry, I get disappointed.  And have y'all heard what the weather will be like here this week?  Upper 70's!!!  That's so not Christmas weather!..........[insert big sigh].............

Y'all.....I'm sitting here in the recliner in the living room typing this and just got a text from Dillan.  He was looking at a magazine and saw how Reba and her family always sing happy birthday to Jesus on Christmas before opening gifts. He asked me if we can do that this year.  [wish I could type an emoji with a tear right now]

And that's what Christmas is all about, isn't it?  I appreciate God sending me that reminder right at this moment.  I know the true meaning of Christmas and instead of letting life in general get me stressed out, I need to focus on what Jesus has done for me....not only at Christmas, but every day.

Not only did He come to this earth as a human baby to walk among us and eventually take on our sins, He is sitting at the right hand of the Father right at this moment interceding for me and for you.

He sees the things that trouble me and knows my heart better than anyone.  He is the true meaning of love and He loves me unconditionally and will never leave me or forsake me.....even if my laundry pile is almost high enough for me to climb up to heaven.

Jesus lives in my heart....and that's where I can find Christmas!

1 comment:

Renae said...

I love all your Christmas decor and your tree looks great!!