1/30/10

Birthday Reflections


I can't believe it's finally here...the big 40! I will turn 40 years old tomorrow!!! When I turned 30, I was pretty depressed. During my 20's I still felt like I was a teenager - 20 teen, or something. I got over it pretty quick. But I can honestly say that it doesn't bother me to realize I'm going to be 40 years old.

I've heard my whole life that it's better to live to be old than to die young. Well, that's true. But I've been thinking about that fact that I've probably lived 1/2 of my life at this point. Who knows, maybe I'll make it to 90. I'm not trying to be morbid because I'm focusing on what this season of my life is bringing me.

Life is just now getting really good. A big reason for that is because I'm happy, settled, I know who I am and what I want, and most importantly....I've never been as close to God as I am now.

Me and Him go way back, but I was one of those who had to learn things the hard way. But the lessons He has taught me have really stuck. God continues to amaze me with His unexpected blessings.

I have 3 sisters...no brothers. Each time one of us has a birthday, there's ALWAYS a dinner or "supper" and a birthday cake. I'm telling you...I could live to be 100 and if Mama's still here there WILL be a cake and a family get-together.

The only sad thing about my birthday is that this is my third one without my daddy. He passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2007. I can remember my birthday that year really well because he kept bugging my mother about when she was going to have the dinner. I think he knew how short his time was and wanted to make sure he was still here for at least one more.

I was telling my husband the other day about how much I miss Daddy, but I seem to miss him more on my birthday than another holiday. Is that strange? I guess subconsciously I'm just thinking about the fact that he is the reason I had a birthday - he and mama of course! They are my parents and I love them. They took care of me growing up. I've always known that I would do whatever I had to to take care of them as they got older in age and needed more help. It's the least I can do for the sacrifices they made for me and my sisters over the years. Of course Daddy doesn't need me now. He doesn't need anybody because he's with our Father in Heaven.

So tomorrow after my birthday celebration is over and I head back home, I'll stop by the cemetery and pay my respects. It's just somewhere I have to go on my birthday. I know Daddy's not there, but the body of the first man I ever loved lies there in that grave. I like to visit from time to time to think about him and what he still means to me - to think about how grateful I am that God chose me to be George Futch's daughter. I miss him dearly, but I look forward to seeing him again in the future. I'm not looking forward to death - I have so much to do before then, but I know with each passing year that I'm one step closer to being with both of my fathers - my earthly father and my Heavenly Father.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Hey Girl! This post really touched me deeply. I'm just now getting a chance to read it, but I can definitely identify. Thanks for sharing, and happy belated birthday!
Love ya!!