6/22/09

A Song in My Heart


There's a song in my heart today! A song of thanksgiving and praise for the lessons God continues to teach me. Lessons He teaches me through songs I sing for him, even songs He hides in my heart. His mercies truly are new every morning and His grace is sufficient for me during trying times.


As I mentioned in an earlier post, my sister, husband, and I started doing the Praise & Worship at our church. My sister could not be with us yesterday, so Scott and I had to go it alone. No problem, we thought - we've been singing together for a long time. Well...... Suzanne might be glad she missed out on that second selection! The first one went great - the congregation sang their hearts out. But the devil had himself a good time on the next song!


We chose to do "Awesome in this Place" - such a touching, personal song to our Savior. We'd practiced it at home and before church - no problems. But SOMETHING happened when it was time to sing it before the church! Much to my horror, the first couple of lines were a disaster - well, maybe not a disaster. I've come to learn that many people are tone deaf, or maybe they just love worship so much that they don't knit pick every song, sermon, or wrong piano note.


Anyway, I really don't remember WHAT intro Scott played, but when I opened my mouth and started singing, it seemed we were on two different songs! By the second line, we got it together, but do you know how hard it is to keep singing when you want to stop and say, "Can we start that one again?" But that would've been even more embarrassing!


We got through it, thankfully God showed up to rescue us. But as I walked out to go upstairs, I waited for Scott on the staircase landing. At the point of tears, I said, "I have no idea what just happened in there." To which he replied that it was fine and not to worry about it.


Well, he always says things like that to make me feel better - but it NEVER HELPS. You see, I am my worst critic. I hate to make any kind of mistake, especially one that involves a large group of people looking at me!


Now this is definitely not the first time I've looked like a fool, but it's so weird that it happened yesterday. I've shared with y'all before about the fear I had for several years that kept me from singing. I've sung off and on for years, but stopped after Satan made me believe I wasn't good enough to sing and that I should keep that little bit of talent to myself in the shower. I mean, I know I'm not a great singer, but I so love to share songs with others that have touched my heart! And after discussing my feelings with God, He sent confirmation to me that I shouldn't be afraid to sing for Him. If you're heart's in the right place and you do your best, that's what really matters. But........... I reasoned that I should only use my true talents and not experiment. Not do anything that I couldn't do "perfectly". What a nasty lie from Satan!


Listening to Beth Moore recently made me realize that it's wrong to let our fears hold us back from doing something God's put on our hearts to do. You shouldn't expect to do something perfectly, especially the first time. You don't know how good you can be at something until you work on it a while. In her own words, "It will never be a lack of talent, a lack of gifting, or a lack of opportunity that will keep you and I from being profoundly effective people on planet earth during our time here - it will be fear and unbelief." And fear, my friends, is from the enemy. Speaking on "perfectionism", she refers to 2 Timothy 1:6 - "Fan into flame the gift of God for God did not give us a spirit of timidity, a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and of self discipline." To fan into flame the gift of God ....


So, during the preacher's sermon, I'm sitting there dwelling on my imperfections. But the Holy Spirit gently reminded me of this teaching I just looked at again Friday. I was so comforted by it because I knew I was not letting the spirit of fear control me any longer. If so, I wouldn't be getting up there to sing each Sunday. But I was so disappointed in myself. I decided to try to forget it and not think about it the rest of the day.


As we walked out to our car to head home from church, Scott just happened to mention that he had forgotten how the song went and didn't play the intro he was supposed to - he was just strumming the chords, but couldn't remember what the song even sounded like! Well, that explained it all! What I started out singing was not the same and when I realized it, I had to try to improvise to get on key with him. We laughed so hard about it later! There he was expecting me to sing it from memory and he'd jump in somewhere. There I was, trying to sing in tune to what he was playing! We had the makings of an original song going there for a minute!


I say all of that to say this.............. although we should always strive to do our best for God, we can't expect perfection - not from ourselves or from others. In our walk with Christ, we're going to get out of tune, hit wrong notes and sometimes have NO rhythm. We will want to give up at times - not even have a song in our hearts to sing. But God is the Master Musician. If we will listen for his ques, they're never off key. He always plays the perfect intro, always remembers the tune, and always sings every note perfectly! He is the creator of music and will put a song in your heart to sing - whether just for Him or for an audience!


But I can't help but look forward to singing perfectly in Heaven! There we will be........... singing with the angels, worshipping our Lord in perfection - no wrong notes, just perfect harmony!


Why don't you sing to the Lord a new song today?

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