The older I get, the more comfortable I am in my own skin.
I spent years trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life.
Over time, it's as if pieces of my life started coming together in layers. With each layer, I learned more about myself and what made me tick. Those layers gave me the confidence I needed to step out in faith and test the waters....hoping to navigate myself into God's calling on my life.
I would love to say that as I searched my soul and followed my calling that I never made mistakes. I did. But God was faithful to see me through and to teach me something from each one. Any time I got off the path He had laid for me, He gently guided me right back to it.
He has never left my side and has blown my mind with doors of opportunities only He could open.
Lately, I've been thinking about my life, re-evaluating and pondering where I am in this season and even wondering about some recent feelings of discontent and guilt. I had to finally admit to myself that maybe some of the things I used to have a passion for doing don't bring me satisfaction any longer because it's time to move on. I'm talking about areas of my career or serving in ministry, not my personal life. I'm completely happy in my personal life and wouldn't trade it or my family for anything.
To live out my calling, I used to think it had to be about doing big things for God. Don't get me wrong. Doing big things for God is awesome! And if God wants to give me those opportunities, I am willing and ready. "Here I am God! Send me, send me!"
But you know what? I recently reminded myself that rather than doing big things for God, it's better to do things for a big God. And the secret to doing that is contentment and peace in my current situation.
I don't have to perform for God. I could never earn more favor or grace from Him anyway. He offers it to me freely.....each and every day, just as He does for you.
I believe it's more important to "be" instead of "do" and I know God wants me to just spend time with Him. Not perform for Him.
There are many noble things we can do to show God our love for Him and that includes our ministry and career, but when I search out my heart, I am reminded that there are multiple ways to minister to others.
He has blessed me with a loving family and a home that I adore. A job that I enjoy and that gives me a sense of doing something for the good of others. I also have the benefit of working from home which has been a dream of mine for a long time. And you know what? This is enough. This is part of my calling in and of itself.
I happen to believe that my family is my first ministry and the most important one for me. Since I was a little girl, I dreamed of having my own home some day with a husband and children and a family dog. I have that and nothing makes me more happy than feathering my nest and spending time with my family.
Sure, it's important for me to minister to others as well. And I want to use any gifts and talents God has given me. But I realize now that some of the discontentment I've been feeling is from trying to make things happen on my own because I have a fear of never doing enough. But when I try to make things happen and only think about doing big things for God, it often leads to frustration and feelings of discouragement when things don't go as I planned.
I have to get to a place that if I never write another published article or book or speak at church again, I can still know that He is pleased with me. If my blog following doesn't grow any more at all, that's alright too. Because these things are not the most important things. People are. My family is. I want to make every moment count because we never know when our last moments on this earth will be. And I don't have to feel guilty if I'd rather minister to my family's needs instead of others.
I recently read an article by Karen Yates called, "Your Calling is Closer Than You Think". Here is some of what she said that really spoke to me:
"God has called me to everyday obedience. I am to walk step by step with Him, and if I do so, then I am fulfilling His unique calling on my life."